Behaviour
Key information this page includes:
Most children and young people will act in challenging ways at some point. Feeling upset, angry, stressed, or disappointed is a normal part of life. As we grow up, we learn to manage our emotions, so children sometimes act out when they have big feelings. They might show different behaviours in response to their emotions.
It's normal for younger children to have tantrums sometimes. It’s also normal for older children and teenagers to shout, lash out, or walk away at times. Most children and teens will also test the rules as they try to be more independent.
However, sometimes challenging behaviour can happen more often and be harder to handle. This can affect daily life, relationships, school learning, and other family members.
The way your child behaves shows how they’re feeling.
When your child displays challenging behaviour, think of an iceberg. We only see the tip of an iceberg because most of it is underwater. In the same way, when your child behaves in challenging ways, there are feelings underneath that you can’t see. Your child might not even know what these feelings are and may need your help to talk about them.
Underneath their behaviour, your child might be feeling angry, tired, stressed, anxious, confused, hurt, jealous, bored, or something else. Remember, the behaviour you see is just part of the story.
Talk to your child
If your child is displaying challenging behaviour, starting a conversation about what’s happening can feel really hard. Your child might not want to talk or may not realise there’s a problem.
Doing an activity together is a good way to start a conversation. It can help your child relax and feel like it’s not a serious talk. Depending on how old your child is, you could go for a walk, cook or bake together, or do something creative like colouring. You could also talk while traveling somewhere.
If your child can’t talk right now, you could send them a text or write them a letter instead.
For more information about how to support your child with challenging behaviour and tips below to help you have a positive conversation with your child please follow this link Challenging Behaviour | Parents' Guide To Support | YoungMinds
Bullying
Bullying is intentional behaviour that hurts someone else. It includes name calling, hitting, pushing, spreading rumours, threatening or undermining someone.
It can happen anywhere – at school, at home or online. It's usually repeated over a long period of time and can hurt a child both physically and emotionally.
If you think they are being bullied, make sure you create a safe space where your child feels comfortable talking to someone about what is happening, this could be you, a family member, a teacher or another trusted adult. For more information on types of bullying, signs of bullying and advice on how to support your child through the experience of bullying please follow this link: Helping Children Deal with Bullying & Cyberbullying | NSPCC
If your child has bullied someone, or done something to hurt someone else, you’re likely to feel angry, disappointed or any number of other strong emotions.
Explain that what they’re doing is unacceptable. Children and young people don’t always realise what they’re doing is bullying, or understand how much their actions have hurt someone.