Behaviour
Key information this page includes:
There are lots of possible reasons for difficult behaviour in toddlers and young children. Often, it's just because they're tired, hungry, overexcited, frustrated or bored. If challenging behaviour is causing you or your child distress, or upsetting the rest of the family, it's important to deal with it.
What you do has to be right for your child, yourself and the family. If you do something you do not believe in or that you do not feel is right, it probably will not work. Children notice when you do not mean what you're saying.
Don’t give up, when you've decided to do something, continue to do it. Solutions take time to work. Get support from your partner, a friend, another parent. You can also talk to staff in the Family Hubs. It's good to have someone to talk to about what you're doing.
Children need consistency. If you respond to your child's behaviour differently from one day to the next, it can confuse them. It's also important that everyone around your child handles their behaviour in the same way.
Try not to over-react, this can be difficult. When your child does something annoying time after time, your anger and frustration can build up. It's impossible not to show your irritation sometimes, but try to stay calm. Move on to other things you can both enjoy or feel good about as soon as possible. Find other ways to cope with your frustration, like talking to other parents.
Talk to your child. Children do not have to be able to talk to understand. It can help if they understand why you want them to do something. For example, explain why you want them to hold your hand while crossing the road.
Once your child can talk, encourage them to explain why they're angry or upset. This will help them feel less frustrated.
Praise good behaviour, when a child's behaviour is difficult, the things they do well can be overlooked. Tell your child when you're pleased about something they've done. You can let your child know when you're pleased by giving them attention, a hug or a smile.
Things that can affect your child’s behaviour
- Life changes – any change in a child's life can be difficult for them. This could be the birth of a new baby, moving house, a change of childminder, starting playgroup or something much smaller.
- You're having a difficult time – children are quick to notice if you're feeling upset or there are problems in the family. They may behave badly when you feel least able to cope. If you're having problems do not blame yourself, but do not blame your child either if they react with difficult behaviour.
- How you've handled difficult behaviour before – sometimes your child may react in a particular way because of how you've handled a problem in the past. For example, if you've given your child sweets to keep them quiet at the shops, they may expect sweets every time you go there.
- Needing attention – your child might see a tantrum as a way of getting attention, even if it's bad attention. They may wake up at night because they want a cuddle or some company. Try to give them more attention when they're behaving well and less when they're being difficult.
Do not feel you have to cope alone. If you're struggling with your child's behaviour, you can visit a Family Hub, who will talk through your concerns and offer advice and support.
You can also access further support by visiting the Family Lives website for parenting advice and support, or phone their free parents' helpline on 0808 800 2222
Or downloading the NSPCC's guide to positive parenting
Bullying
Bullying is intentional behaviour that hurts someone else. It includes name calling, hitting, pushing, spreading rumours, threatening or undermining someone.
It can happen anywhere – at school, at home or online. It's usually repeated over a long period of time and can hurt a child both physically and emotionally.
If you think they are being bullied, make sure you create a safe space where your child feels comfortable talking to someone about what is happening, this could be you, a family member, a teacher or another trusted adult. For more information on types of bullying, signs of bullying and advice on how to support your child through the experience of bullying please follow this link: Helping Children Deal with Bullying & Cyberbullying | NSPCC
If your child has bullied someone, or done something to hurt someone else, you’re likely to feel angry, disappointed or any number of other strong emotions.
Explain that what they’re doing is unacceptable. Children and young people don’t always realise what they’re doing is bullying, or understand how much their actions have hurt someone.